Chamomile
by halfbloodroyalty
Summary: HG/DM Dramione post-war AU. Bittersweet fluff with a touch of lemon. warnings for sexual content, swearing, minor character death by suicide, ptsd Hermione struggles after the war, but she's not the only one.


"Have a good night you guys!" I said, waving goodbye to Harry and Ginny as they left, closing the gate to my garden and apparating away together. Leaves fell from the sugar maples, laying an orange carpet across the dying grass. A rumble of thunder sounded in the distance, heralding a storm on the horizon.

"I suppose this is my cue to leave" came the distinct drawl of my one remaining guest.

Draco Malfoy had surprisingly come into his own since the war. Stripped of his fortune and the power his blood status had once held, he quietly worked his way back up through wizarding society by himself. He had started a small apothecary with some of the foreign connections his father once held. Within a few short years, the Malfoy name was synonymous with the lucrative field of exotic potioneering supplies and cutting-edge research.

I'd largely forgotten about the perpetually infuriating blonde until my own work with the department for medical advancement at St. Mungo's had me in the market for some rare pangolin spurs. After being laughed out of every apothecary in both Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley, not to mention a few in Knockturn alley, I stumbled upon Malfoy's establishment, Alchemica Draconis.

From then on, we formed a sort of partnership, working together to try new potions to treat the aftereffects of the war. Many nights were spent together in his lab, talking as we waited for a new concoction to finish brewing over large cups of tea.

I learned a lot about him from those long nights. He told me about how little of a choice he had with joining the dark side of the war, about the horrors of working under Voldemort and of his short stay in Azkaban before his trial. We cried together over the loss of our parents, his to Azkaban and mine to the memory charm I was never able to reverse. Our shared suffering pushed us further in our work, encouraging us to find a cure for the pervasive night terrors and survivor's guilt that so many people we loved seemed to suffer from after the dark lord's fall.

This delicate friendship is what brought him to my small home for the Halloween party I had decided to hold. My friends were wary of his presence, Ron in particular. He and his lady of the week left early in the evening, throwing dirty looks my way after I'd defended my business partner from their scathing words. Harry, on the other hand, was cordial, even going as far as to offer Draco a drink and engage in a civil conversation for the first time in their lives. By the end of the night they were laughing together like old friends.

Draco gave me a quick hug as he stepped out the door. I leaned into the embrace, inhaling the comforting smell of herbs that seemed to cling to him regardless of whether or not we were in his lab. His warmth radiated through his thin shirt, reaching just a bit further than skin-deep.

"You know you should really have this place hooked up to the Floo network" he said, eyeing the clouds which were rapidly darkening as they rolled over the countryside.

I rolled my eyes at his comment "You know I won't do that. I enjoy my security and peace out here. If someone wants to visit me, they can knock on the door like everyone else. I don't want another incident like when Molly visited me after I left Ron."

"Fair enough" he chuckled, "well, have a good night.." he said, grey eyes lingering momentarily before he turned away.  
"Draco…" I said, reaching out toward him, unsure of why I was doing it. He turned halfway, looking at me with some unspoken emotion.

"Good night" I said lamely, dropping my hand and my gaze. He gave me a ghost of his old self-assured smirk and a small wave as he walked through the gate before turning on his heel and disapparated with a crack.

I stared at the place where he had vanished for a moment. I wasn't sure when I had decided that I cared for him, but there was no denying it now. I blew out the candles in the Jack o Lanterns on my front porch as the first cold drops of October rain started to fall. Retreating to my now-empty living room, I began to tidy up the remnants of the party, banishing dirty dishes to the kitchen sink and vanishing the random napkins that lay about.

Rearranging the throw pillows on my sofa, I noticed a corner of dark fabric peeking out from under a cushion. Giving it a solid tug, a dark green and grey flannel shirt dislodged itself, sending me stumbling slightly. "Dammit Draco" I muttered under my breath, recognizing the shirt as his from earlier in the evening. "Guess he'll get this back on Monday" I said, tossing the shirt into my bedroom.

Deciding I'd finish cleaning in the morning, I moved to the bathroom for a quick shower. The warm water always seemed to relax me enough before bed that the nightmares wouldn't bother me too much. I used every "stress relieving" or "sleep improving" potion, lotion, or candle I could find, but any effect they had ended up being more of a placebo than anything. Drying myself with a quick charm, I slid into a soft cotton tank top and shorts. Spotting it out of the corner of my eye, I picked up the flannel shirt. Curiosity got the best of me as I slipped my arms into the long sleeves that fell past my hands, wrapping myself in the warm fabric. I turned my head to deeply inhale the herbal scent which soaked the collar, allowing my eyes to flutter shut. Walking slowly to the living room, something tugged slightly at my heart mixing with the slight guilt I felt at pining for someone as contentious as Draco Malfoy while wearing his forgotten outerwear. He'd been so cruel to me at one point, but now? Now he was the most stable part of my life as Harry and Ginny had their children to care for and Ron had gone off the deep end after I'd realized that we just weren't compatible. Draco was comfortable, predictable, safe… the exact opposite of what I would expect a former death eater to be like

A sudden rapid banging on my front door startled me out of my cozy reflection. Immediately, I was on guard, my habits from my year on the run not dulled by time. My heart raced in my throat, my wand raised and readied at the door, I struggled to break the panic that had suddenly gripped me. All at once, I was a scared 18 year old living in a tent being hunted by the most dangerous people in the world all over again. I could smell the blood and grime of being held prisoner, feel the pain of Bellatrix's knife along my inner arm.

"Hermione!" I heard Draco's familiar voice come from outside, calling me back to reality. "Please let me in, I've had a breakthrough with the project! Take the wards down!" he said over the patter of rain. Thunder rumbled heavily.

I released the wards with a sweep of my wand and sank to the floor, my hands shaking. Draco stepped through the door, shaking water out of his hair. His grin vanished as he saw me crumpled on the rug, staring blankly at nothing.

"Shit" he swore, closing the door and rushing to kneel in front of me "Talk to me 'mione, what happened?" his clothes dripped heavily on the floor as I looked into his scared and concerned face.

"I… I'm not sure" I mumbled, dropping my wand among the puddles of rainwater and covering my face with my hands. "I just reacted and panicked and I don't know, I'm scared" tears ran down my face unbidden to join the puddles "I'm sorry!" I sobbed, my body trying to force out the feelings that were threatening to drown me. Draco shushed me lightly, his pale hands coming up to pull my own away from where they were attempting to claw at my skin.

"No, no, I'm sorry, I should have sent a patronus first, I'm sorry Hermione" He said, pulling me to him as my body shook from sobbing. I was vaguely aware that the rain had plastered his shirt to his torso, making it cling nicely to his slim musculature. One of his hands ran soothingly over my hair, pushing it out of my face where it clung to my skin.

We sat like that for a long moment as my sobs became less violent, eventually reducing to barely a hiccup.

"Here, try this." he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small vial of a periwinkle-colored liquid. "I tried what we discussed earlier and I think it will work. I'd have never thought of using chamomile without you." I took the vial and uncorked it, sniffing gingerly before downing the potion in one shot. A sudden sense of calm washed over me as I swallowed, releasing the last bit of panic that lay in my chest in one large exhale. Wiping my face on the sleeve of the flannel, I looked up at Draco with a look of astonishment.

"It works!" I said, almost not believing it.

"It works!" He said, exuberantly, a smile cracking through his look of worry. "Also, is that my shirt?" he asked, looking curiously at my strange apparel. The shirt was so long that it didn't look like I was wearing shorts at all and I looked vaguely like a child playing dress-up with how large the flannel fit on me. I felt my face flush heavily as I covered my face with my hands and, consequently, the trailing sleeves.

"You left it here and I was gonna bring it back on Monday…" I mumbled in embarrassment "it just looked so cozy and you smell good and…" I cut myself off before I said anything else incriminating. Draco laughed and pulled me even closer.

"Don't worry, it's adorable. You can keep it as long as you like" He said, burying his face in my hair. "How long?" he whispered, "How long have you had these attacks?" I reached to cling to him too, feeling safe in his gentle warmth.

"Since the war" I said softly "It's the reason I started this project. The reason I went into medicine to begin with. After Padma… after she died, I wanted to make sure no one else our age felt so alone. I didn't want to feel like this anymore." My heart hurt to say it out loud after so long, but I didn't cry. The relief I felt instead was like a soothing balm across the wounds that festered there for years.

"Me too" Draco whispered. "I thought you were struggling more than you were letting on for a while now. You can't deal with everything on your own, I couldn't. Then you came along and…" He trailed off, none of his usual confidence showing in his voice.

"And I what?" I said, pulling back to look him in the face, trying to understand his look of unsurity.

"You showed me that there can still be good in the world for me" He said, eyes focused somewhere near my kneecap. "You showed me that my sins were not so bad that I don't deserve anything. It allowed me to hope. Hope that one day someone.. Someone could love me" A tear leaked from his eye, shining against his pale skin.

"Draco…" I said, reaching for him again, cupping his cheek in my hand as I brushed away the tear with my thumb. His hand came to cover mine as our faces drifted closer together, as if by magnetism.

And then our lips touched, as softly as we dared, the taste of our tears and rainwater mingling between us as we expressed the care, the hurt, everything between us. There was no unsurety any more, only the thin current of hope and love that supported us. Slowly our confidence grew together until we separated breathless, lips swollen.

Standing slowly, I took him by the hand and lead us to my bedroom, sitting him on the crumpled duvet. His hands came up to push the flannel shirt from my shoulders as I attempted to pull his wet shirt over his head. Clothing fell like leaves across the carpet, leaving us both without any means to hide. Flashes of lightning from the storm outside cast us into sudden light as we tumbled together on the bed, learning more about each others bodies than we would have ever admitted to being curious about. A rumble of thunder echoed Draco's own moans as he slowly entered me, moving us even closer together. Vivid flashes of light appeared behind my eyelids as we came higher together, calling out each others names into the storm.

"How long?" I asked, wrapped in his warm arms. "How long have you…"

"I've loved you for longer than I should have and more than I thought I could" He said, pressing his cheek into my forehead.

"I love you too" I said, drifting into my first dreamless sleep in years.


End file.
